Ramblings

I wonder if I should give up this whole blogging thing all together?

I used to not be able to go 10 minutes without checking twitter and/or Facebook on my phone.  Now, not so much. 

I have all but disappeared the online version of me it seems and to blog now just seems…. fake, like I’m holding on to something that I need to let go, kind of like these blue pajama pants I used to love. They were so soft and comfy and now… well, I guess from all the washing they have lost their softness.  And just the other day I cut them into shorts because while I was getting up one day, my foot got caught in the leg and the ripped at the seam of one leg so it just made the most sense to cut them into shorts.  Yeah, I feel like my online life is like those pants… I’m hanging to them, but I’m not sure why anymore.

I don’t even read, but like, three blogs anymore.  I used to read so many. Now I just don’t.  Reading for school takes up my reading quota for the day, I suppose.

Writing for school takes all the creative writing juices I have – and my professors aren’t impressed when I write like I do on this blog. I hate that. It’s hard to change your writing style when you’ve been doing it for so long.

I see a picture of my entire family from Christmas 2007 on my desktop and I want that family back.  This Christmas will suck and I know this.  I do not want Christmas to come this year.  I wish I could hide in my bed and ignore it totally. But I have two little girls and ignoring Christmas is not ok when you have people more important than depression depending on you.   I think that I will probably hate Christmas forever more because my doorbell will never ring again at some ungodly hour with my mom holding a cup a coffee for me.  She always woke up and got ready and was at my house before my girls were even awake.  

I want this Christmas back.  You see, my mom’s boyfriend’s family is in this picture and I don’t think we will be invited to their house for Christmas this year. Not that we had a falling out or anything, I just don’t know how that works now.  So anywho, more than half the people in this picture … well… ya know.  It just makes me very sad.  Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m never going to look forward to another Christmas again.

I finally upgraded my iPhone.  I never hook up my phone to my computer so yes, it’s taken me this long.  I suck as an iPhone owner. 

I am working on a group project for school.  I did this really awesome PowerPoint for our project.  Nobody emailed me to say, “Wow. Thanks!”  I feel like I’m back at my old job.

I had an ear infection on Veterans day and I keep forgetting to take my antibiotics every 8 hours. I worry about that. Plus my ears are still clogged and it’s very annoying!!

And with that, I suppose I am done with my ramblings.