How do you make it ok in your mind when you are friends with someone who hurt another friend of yours to the core?
I had this friend who was ended up being very mean to me, hurt my feeling to the core when I was already at a very low point in my life and my cousin is now friends with this person on Facebook! It makes me ill to see this bitch of a person leaving cute and funny comments on my cousins Facebook page. It makes me more ill that my cousin ever accepted her friend request in the first place knowing how much this person hurt me in the past.
I see how very little I must mean to my cousin:
This was a message she sent on her birthday in response to all her birthday wishes she received. Um. Hello. I called her and wished her a happy birthday and even bought her a gift card! And went to a BBQ where my cousin promptly ignored me on her birthday. I felt so sick being with my cousin that day and her ignoring me I ended up faking a tummy ache and leaving early.
When I told my cousin that we were thinking of moving, she said, “What makes you think you will feel anymore at home there than you do here?” Well, thanks to her and her befriending people that hurt me very badly and posting Facebook messages about how “my blood is not thicker than her friends water,” how can I possibly feel at home here with her? How am I expected to feel like her family when she does everything to make me NOT feel like family?
I’m sure to most of of you, I’m just being petty. I should get over myself and move on. But my cousin and aunt are the only “family” I have left (except of course my own hubby and kids) and I see how little I mean to them- my aunt never calls me as in NEVER EVER. It hurts. It hurts bad.
I know I was suppose to try funny today, but again, I just can’t. My feelings are hurt and I can’t hide behind funny today.
So, I’m taking applications for a new family. I need brothers, sisters and cousins! It doesn't take much to be accepted, just loyalty and understanding and a kind heart.
I sooo understand where you are with this. My own aunt refuses to even add me on facebook, although she's friends with every one of my cousins, parents, etc. My other aunt posts little nicey-nice messages on my sister's page ALL THE TIME about how much she loves/misses her and blahblahblah. Part of me feels like she does it just to lash out at me.
ReplyDeleteI don't play by "their" rules with things and so... I must pay the price by being the subject of their malicious, manipulative, and vicious games.
I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me still at times. But deleting facebook was a huge help. Even though I miss some people on there that I don't get to see/talk to/keep in touch with as much... the peace that has come back into my life has been worth it.
And I'm slowly starting to heal. Finally. I've started accepting that even though there is a greater expectation on people with the title of "family" to behave a certain way, to love you a certain way, etc. it's not always going to be that way. You can't make anyone behave like a decent human being or fulfill what they are supposed to as a family member. It sucks, but that's pretty much the way it is.
I also remind myself that God said you are to become one with your spouse. Not your friends, children, other family members, etc. Your husband or your wife (depending on your sex). Finding that special identity as 1/2 of your marriage definitely helps, too.
I wish I could tell you that they will all come around, apologies will be made, genuine efforts to change will be done, and everything will be happily ever after. But I can't.
All I can say is that you? Are an incredibly special woman. I have a great deal of respect for you -- even during this down time, when you're struggling. And that... eventually... you are going to pick yourself up and build a happy, beautiful life that is even more-so than the one you have now. And all those people that have been crappy to you or tried to bring you down or made you feel unimportant or not enough? They are the ones that will have to face the loss and the reality that you have moved on. They will be watching from the outside, wishing they were on the inside... and while you will feel a bit sad and wish they could be on the inside as well... you know that to let them in, would be to allow them to start destroying what you've built and smashing things up. So you waved to them through the window and turn back to the happiness that you have.
Meanwhile... if you're still taking applications... where do I sign up? :)
You have a sister here in Boston.
ReplyDeleteAmber & MB, thank you guys so much. You both have made my day and made me feel so much better XOXO!!!
ReplyDeleteYou've always got me and my family....but I don't have to tell you that :)
ReplyDeleteI have gone through this bull with my brother and SIL - and eerily enough, my SIL has posted almost the exact same status update as your cousin on FB. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's petty because I know how much it hurts! You've got a pretty bad ass sister in Chicago, if I do say so myself!
xoxo
Becky and Sheila, you two are a given, LOL You guys couldn't rid of me if you wanted to!!! :) XOXO
ReplyDelete