Mad Me (And Pictures!)

To know me is to know, well… wait. That is too loaded of a statement, as to know me is to know a lot… I love yellow flowers, any kind of yellow flower.  I let my kids ride their bikes in the rain in their bathing suits even if the neighbors think I’m crazy and unfit because they are only kids once and these are the memories that I want them to have. 

 Emily in the rainAutumn in the rain

And to know me is to know that I love LOVE  TV and as a TV lover, I have been given a great honor… my family has been chosen for…. wait for it….

To be a Nielsen Family! 

They even sent me $5 dollars!  I start my diary on the 15th of July. I just don’t have the words. 

And to know me is to know that I registered to vote when I turned 18, not just to be able to vote but so that my name would get on the “Jury List.”  I heard that in order to be called for jury duty, you have to be registered to vote.  Now, I don’t know if that is true or not, but at 18 I registered to vote so that one day I might be called to serve on a jury.  And guess what… I got summoned!

I report July 19th at 8:00am and have no idea what to expect!  But I have a Juror Badge!  I wonder if I’ll have to tell them about this blog and that I’ve posted that I’ve been summoned and that will knock me out of the running to sit on a jury?  I’m thinking too much about it aren’t I? 

And to know me today is to know that today I was officially accepted for school.    

Next step? Apply for finical aid and scholarships, right?  I’m so clueless!  Things have changed since the ten years that I got my associates degree.  And this is like a real college, not a business college like my last one.  So, it’s a total different ballgame for me and I’m like, “Ok? Now what?” 

So yay!  It’s so much good news that I don’t know what to do with myself! 

But ya know, to know me is to know that I truly believe my mom is in Heaven and doing all these things for me that she couldn’t do on earth.  Crazy huh?  I know. I know it’s not all, if any, of her doings.  But I can’t explain it… I just know that she has to have something to do with all this good fortune.  For years she heard me talk about wanting to serve on a jury and she always joked with me that NOBODY wants jury duty! And she heard me say time and time again, “It would be so cool if I was picked to be part of the Nielsen Family!” 

There is just too much happening now, not just what I’ve mentioned above, to not believe that she is doing what she can to make my dreams come true and to make me know without any shadow of any doubt that she is still here with me and my family and doing all that she can do for us still. 

I just have such a peace when it comes to my mom.  Sure, I have about a thousands regrets and I miss her more than I could ever tell you and my heart aches for her warm hug.  My insides are shattered still and I’m not sure if the pieces will ever be put back together.  But, I still feel her.  This is nothing like I thought it would feel like.  I thought I wouldn’t be able to get out bed. I thought my eyes would never stop crying and I would go downright crazy if something ever happened to my mom.  She was the absolute center of my world.  However, the pain is not all like I thought it would feel.  It’s a strange mixture of missing her, yet knowing she is here with me.  I wish I was a gifted enough writer to explain it to you, but much like a crazy dream that you can’t put into words, that is how I feel.  Yes, it sucks.  And I don’t dare say that it doesn’t suck as much as I thought it would, but yet, there is a peace.  And when something like jury duty comes along, something she knew I wanted forever in a day and it comes along now… I just know it’s her working her magic.  I sound like a crazy person, huh?  Maybe I did indeed go crazy like I thought I would.  But like the Alice from the new version of Alice in Wonderland, all the best people have gone mad.