I try very hard not to give one something without giving the other one something of equal value. However, that is an impossible mission. For whatever one gets, the other one is always getting better or more. There is a lot of, “But she got THAT and I only got this!” in my house. Sometimes, sometimes I just sit in silence when they start in with the “she got that!” pity whine and escape in my head to Las Vegas or some other place just as thrilling.
I wonder if this scenario will continue through their whole lives and if so, to what extent? My mom and aunt always thought the other one got the better end of the stick to the point that were unable to even be friends as adults because of the jealousy.
My oldest daughter has taken to lying. She told my youngest that the ice cream truck was coming down the street when it wasn’t. And that is just one example of the blatant lies she tells. I’ve punished her for her lying, but I can’t figure out why she is and when I ask her why she does it, I get the “I just don’t know!” Usually followed by a meltdown of tears and running to her bedroom. She and I used to always be on the same page, I knew her inside and out. Now, I just can’t seem to connect with her. With her only being ten, I worry. I don’t want her teenage years to be full of anger and hate and, what is that word the kids use today? Emo? I don’t know the right things to say to her anymore to reassure her that I do get it, I get what she is going through and that scares the hell out of me.
My youngest whines and cries every.single.time she doesn’t get her way. I am about to lose my mind over it. It’s like she is a two year old and she is six! I have to admit, that there are many times I give in to her just to shut her up. Yesterday, she wanted to play on the computer after her older sister started playing and I told her that she would have to wait. She went upstairs and cried and threw a tantrum for an hour! So yes, I give in to her more than I should because I just don’t want to hear it. Then I have to make sure that I do something for the older one so she doesn’t feel cheated. But like I said, I can’t always make everything equal.
80% of the time my girls get along well and we have a great time together. There is peace. However, that other 20%, that is part that has me worried, “Am I doing this mom thing all wrong?” I know, I know, all moms feel that way from time to time. I get it. But ya know, in the interest of full disclosure, I worry that I’m not good enough for them. There are days when all I want to do is just chill out on the couch and watch TV. I don’t want to have go get up and go somewhere. Will they remember me as a lazy mom? Is my, “I just want to chill time” making them whine more? Tell lies? Hate me? The last two days we haven’t gone anywhere, done anything. Is that setting a bad example for them? Is it me that is bringing out the worst in them?
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