Squeee! I love having a blog where I can feel free and stretch my arms and run around in circles if I want!
I will not be using twitter/facebook to announce when I have a new post and all that jazz... I hope that you guys still stop by via feed readers and such. I have no clue what I'm going to do with my old blog. I'm gonna leave it just be for now... I always thought it would be cool to print it, get it binded... make like a book thingmajig. Have you guys ever thought about doing that with any of your blogs?
Besides work and all the drama that comes with work, there is something else bothering me at this moment in my life...
After my grandma passed away earlier this year, my aunt moved in with my cousin. Things are NOT going well with that situation. They aren't getting along.
Here is the backstory:
My aunt received $20,000 from my grandma's funds when she passed. My aunt turned around and gave that money to my cousin so that my aunt would have a place to live for the rest of her life. My cousin is selling her house and building another one. My cousin is adding a basement to the new house so that my aunt would have a place of her own. Kinda.
Some facts to keep in mind while reading:
My aunt is disabled, has been for years. She does not work and get $800.00 a month in disability.
My aunt is disabled, has been for years. She does not work and get $800.00 a month in disability.
So, the basement area that my cousin is adding on to the new house is going to cost $30,000. Now, my mom built a two story addition for under $30,000 and we are just talking about a basement here, but whatever... I don't design houses so maybe $30,000 for a basement is the going rate these days?
With my aunt's $20,000, that still leaves my cousin $10,000 short for the building of a basement and of course that money will have to be added to the mortgage. If she takes a 30 year note, that is about $30 a month/ about $60 a month for a 15 year note.
Well, now my aunt and cousin aren't getting along. My cousin wants to give my aunt back her $20,000 and send her on her way. I have a BIG FAT problem with that and here's why:
You don't kick your mom out when she has nowhere else to go. I understand if your mom is abusive and unloving, but my aunt isn't these things. Is she perfect? No. Not by a long shot!! She gets snippy and angry and takes it out on the ones closest to her and she does try to control what she cannot control. Living with her can-not be easy, but again, you don't kick out your mom. I'm just not ok with that. Not when it's because "you just can't live with her." *insert stomping your feet* Maybe your mom can't live with you either- let's face it, are any of us a breeze to life with? But she has nowhere else to go! Nowhere! Sure she has $20,000 to find a place, but if she had to rent and pay utilities elsewhere, that money will go quick and then what? Where does she go? Homeless?
My aunt is paying rent right now to my cousin. $150 towards rent and my cousin is making my aunt put $150 (for a total of $300 a month) in savings in case something happens to my aunt's car or some other unforeseen expense comes up. I understand the concept, I really do. It makes sense. However, I could not see me MAKING my own mother save money and wouldn't dream of making her do that as a condition of living with me. I just find that whole situation a joke. And totally laughable. If my aunt's car breaks down and she has no car, then she has no car. But my aunt shouldn't be forced to save money. I just find that laughable. It's like my aunt is being treated like a 5 year old; saving money is a lesson one teaches their children- not the mother, or is it just me? Maybe I have too much of a responsible mother and wouldn't need to make her save money. This makes me sad for my aunt, being treated like she is one of my cousin's children.
When they move to the new house, my aunt will have to pay $400 in rent, plus her own utilities. (remember, my aunt clears $800 in disability a month). That is on top of the $20,000 that my aunt handed over. Is it me or is there something wrong with that picture? I could see her paying some money, I guess? But $400 a month and $20,000 for a basement apartment in which she will living with her daughter? My cousin has a live in babysitter right there! My cousin will probably use $400 worth of babysitting fees by using my aunt and yet, she is charging rent from my aunt. I have to shake my head at that one.
Maybe mine and my mom's relationship is just out of whack and what my cousin is doing is normal. However, if my 60 year old mom (my mom isn't 60 btw! she would kill me if she thought I led you guys to believe that she was!) that could not work and had limited funds needed a place to live, there would be no doubt that she would be bunking with me and my family! Would it be easy? Hell No! Would I love every minute of it? Hell No! Would I want to kill myself some days from all the "Honey, do it this way" that my mom loves to say when I'm not doing things her way? HELL YES! DOUBLE HELL YES! BUT, the idea of just telling my mom, "Yeah, um, this isn't working. You gotta leave." That would not happen. I would not want to be that type of daughter. I would not want to be that type of person!
When you break it down:
- My aunt is paying rent, more than her fair share of the bills I might add!
- Will continue to pay rent.
- Has paid $20,000 already.
- Free babysitter
- The $10,000 that my cousin is supposedly going in debt over equals to about $30 a month over 30 years or $60 for a 15 year note. Not the end of the world if you ask me.
Yes, my aunt is NOT an easy person to live with. But still. She is her mother. Do you kick you mother out when she has no where to go?
You may be asking, "Why don't you take in your aunt?" To put it simply, I'm not good enough for her. She would never ask and would rather be homeless than to live with me. I am not rich, or at least put on the appearance that I am that my cousin can do so effortlessly. The offer was made to my aunt long before my grandma passed. (Even then every member of my family knew that my aunt and cousin living together would end like something from the Terminator movies.) At the time that I asked my aunt to live with me, we had a house that had a bonus room right over the kitchen/garage with it's own staircase and could have easily been converted to a room with just a door, it already had a closet and was right across the hall from a bathroom. She said no. Had she said yes, I would have fought tooth and nail to hang on to that house, even though I grew to hate that house with every ounce of my being. Knowing that saving the house and keeping it was bigger than me, I would have done all I could to keep it. But once we moved out of it and into the house we are in now, no way. There simply isn't enough room. Would I let her go homeless? NEVER! We would make due. However, it's not my house to open up in that way, we are renters and would have toget the ok. PLUS AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, she and HER DAUGHTER need to work this out somehow, someway! This is not my problem to fix and not my mom's problem to fix.
I just think that if my cousin does do this, makes her leave, that my cousin can live with herself. I couldn't do it my mom. Could you? Could you knowing send your mom out there in the world with limited resources knowing that in about two years she will be penniless and have no where to go? Could you do it? Am I missing something here?
And did any of this make sense? Or is this just some big rambling mess? I tend to not make as much sense as normal when I start to ramble on and on and on...
Wo knows what really happens behind closed doors. However, if your cousin were to really ask her to leave, then she should give back the $20K. if she stays, I don't understand the rent. Didn't she just pay for most of the basement? I wouldn't ask my mom to pay rent if she lived with us.
ReplyDeleteI know its never easy to live with your parents when you're an adult and have your own family. But, its family. You stick together. Its what family does. At least my family.
I hope things calm down at your cousin's house....
Cost of the basement is going to depend on the lot, the size of the house, size of basement, shape of basement, quality of finishes, whether it has a bathroom & kitchen, whether it is partially a garage. Tons of variables. But, $30,000 does sound reasonable, especially since it will be finished and even possibly have a kitchen. I had priced finishing out the attic over the garage at your house, and it was $7,500 just for sheetrock, double dormer window, small closet, wiring, insulation, flooring.
ReplyDeleteWith that said, if your aunt pays $20,000 toward the cost of the basement, she shouldn't be paying rent. Maybe some to help with the utilities, but not rent. If they want to charge her rent like any old Joe off of the street, then she shouldn't be paying anything toward the construction of it. JMO. And, if she's babysitting any kids, then they shouldn't charge her utilities, either. HOWEVER, she's probably getting foodstamps as well since she's on disability. And, if she doesn't have her own place with her own utility connections/own rent, then they consider her as being part of the household with your cousin. And, they calculate household income for foodstamps, so she may loose foodstamps. On the flip side, if they ARE considered one household and she is still able to get foodstamps, all the kids in the household will get free lunch at school. Crazy crap. But, that's the government for you.
Would I put my mom on the street? Well, there are days.........and we've had several of those lately. LOL! No way in hell would I let her live with me. I'd come closer to paying her rent somewhere than letting her live with me even if I had to go dance at the Cat West (barf) to do it. Her being two houses away was too close. Besides, all of my bedrooms are upstairs, which doesn't work to well for the elderly. ;)
After my Grandpa died and my Grandma moved up to be closer to us we asked if she wanted to live with us. She refused and I'm kind of glad because that means I would have had to share a bedroom with her.
ReplyDeleteBUT that doesn't mean that when we got her an apartment (in a senior living area) that we just left her to fend for herself. We buy her groceries and give her some money for rent since she's on social security (and it got cut in half when my Grandpa died).
Now that I don't live in that house anymore she might move in there when her lease is up, but idk what she wants to do.
But if my mother had no where else to go I would let her move in with me and vahid. We'd figure out some way to make it work. The same goes for his mom.
There are your parents. That's just what you do.
Becky- Agreed! On all accounts!
ReplyDeleteT- I agree as well! When my aunt told me that she was paying rent, I was like, "Dude! You are giving her $20,000 AND you still paying her rent!" I know it wouldn't be much in the big scheme of things, but $20,000 towards a downpayment for a house is a HUGE in my book! But I'm guessing my cousin, in true fashion, wants a $300,000+ house so, $20,000 is pocket change if she wants a resonable monthly payment. The profit from the sale of her house will also go toward the downpayment of the new house, I'm guessing it will all amount to about $70,000 to $100,000 including my aunt's $20,000. But nevermind all that, I just think it's crazy to charge your mother rent! Make her help pay her FAIR share of the gas/water/electric, yes! Of course (if she has it!) but rent? No. I couldn't do that to my mom, at least I hope that I wouldn't have to do that my mom.
Sarah- I WOULD NOT want to live with my mom nor my mother in law, but if it had to be done for whatever reason, like you said for you family, "We'd figure out some way... That's just what you do."